Obviously, none of this went as planned. The whole high school thing turned out sucking big time. Sometimes, that makes me sad. But mostly, it just makes me very very excited for everything that has yet to come.
I won’t ever understand why my friend group had to fall apart, or why I feel as though I absolutely can’t go to my prom. Probably because everyone here is so unbearably judgmental. They have made my flaws a subject of conversation, without making any effort to understand what I’m going through. Some of these people whom, used to be my closest friends.
Maybe none of this would’ve happened if I’d have associated myself with people more like me; instead of those who are so involved with partying and sex. My so-called “friends” make me feel misunderstood, like a nuisance and no fun.
I guess it’s too late for anything now. All of these should’ve’s and would’ve’s, do me no good. I hate this place with my entire being and can not wait to move onto something bigger, better and with people who share the same core values as I.
I think about her often. CS sits behind me in French class.
A brisk spring morning just last year, I remember a precious elderly lady coming to my family’s yard sale. She began quite the chatter with my mother and when I came outside, she started talking to me as well. The lady opened up to us about her granddaughter, who had lost her mother to disease and was taken away from her alcoholic father. She told us how proud she was to have a daughter with such academic talent, yet worried whether she’d be able to financially support a post-secondary education.
Upon further discussion, it was established that the granddaughter and I went to the same school. What’s more, we were in the same grade. CS. It is so odd to me that I went many years knowing this girl, without having a clue of her home life. Makes you wonder how many other people you truly know nothing about.
Every day in French class, CS is happy and outgoing. I tell few people this story because I wouldn’t ever want to embarrass her – especially since she doesn’t know I know. My mother gave her grandmother the yard sale items for free.
A friend recently told me that I expect too much of people. Is this really so wrong? Why should we not continually give others the benefit of the doubt?
Today is #BellLetsTalk day and I sit here, reading through Twitter in Starbucks. For the first time ever, I find myself actually able to relate to some of this years’ posts. I think that is both beautiful and saddening at the same time.
We are all experiencing joys and struggles in life, just at different times and at different extremes. For me, the past nine months have utterly sucked. Despite knowing that I am defined by SO much more than the size of my friend group or whether I have a boyfriend, I have let these facts determine my happiness and self-confidence.
Days like today help me re-align my priorities, and act as the much-needed reminder that I am not alone. Although no individual can ever truly understand the situation of another, we are vulnerable and brave in opening up and sharing our story.
Through struggle one grows strength, resilience and self-awareness. I can not wait for the day that I too, am able to look back on my progress.